The things that I can’t tell you.

There are things I can’t tell you because I think you know me enough to know them. There are lies about me that I don’t want to justify because I always thought you knew me better than the lies.

Listen to me sometime when you are alone, away from all these facts and terms you have been fed with , try finding my voice that must be resonating deep in your heart. That voice that you have taken from me and kept secured in your heart remains there because at some point you have believed maybe not in my words but in me.

Everytime the world tells you that I wasn’t true to you while they hold me down ,muffling my voice that longs to tell you once more , assure you once more that I was true to you, I want you to laugh at them and weaken the offensive they launch towards our beliefs.

There are things I can’t tell you because I want you to know them and read them in my eyes that are gazing aimlessly at the horizon. Because I thought u will read the little pauses that I take while speaking. I can’t tell you about how I contemplated saying it or not. I can’t tell you about why fighting and then breaking down is important for me to let you through the guard and shield I have. I can’t tell you why I have given in so many times just to make sure their aren’t any scars on your flawless soul. I can’t tell you about the wars I wage against myself to protect your dignity.

Listen there are things I can’t tell you because I thought I souls have talked enough to know what I am.

MAGIC

Do you know that magic is all around us and its happening all the time? yes, sir, it’s true. however, like everything else that we don’t understand magic has its own ways.

Get into the last magic show you ever watched, imagine the scene. People amazed and excited all around urging the magician to do the unbelievable. The self-assured magician rolling out one trick after the other. Despite knowing that its a sleight of hands and science the spectators are left astonished. How does that happen, if we know that all of it is science why do we get so amazed? The answer to me is that because we can only see what the magician wants us to see and the brain is trained to see from the perspectives presented to us. I mean to say that if a spectator could see the backroom exercises that take place before a show and the incessant practice that it takes to perform the tricks to perfection it will wipe out the awe factor for the spectator.

That is exactly what happens in life and the magic that it is. what you want is like a jumbo jigsaw puzzle that u need to fix. pieces scattered all around that will make sense only if placed at the exact place where they belong. You will have to hang on in the anticipation of the time that’s surely there and coming ever yet closer each day, every minute. The good news is that you don’t have to do all this alone. You have magic in your team. Magic will guide u through. It will talk to you. Wake you up. Drag you out of your comfort zone and help you find the pieces hidden from you.

It is happening, right now, around you listen to it. Solve the puzzle, you will have what you seek.
This post comes after a long time, the difficulties of being a first generation entrepreneur kept me away. The writer’s block happened. People around me asked me to find a proper job instead of the breakfast truck. I chose magic not despair, not defeat but magic.

Dilemmas

I met a young man couple of days back. He had put out a message on some of the start-up communities. He wanted to sell his product for a meagre amount of Rs.1 lakh. I had noticed him texting in desperation late in the nights. It seemed very much possible that he was feeling lonely and needed help. I didn’t want him to lose out on his product for a small amount of Rs. 1 lakh, but for the businessman I am, I also saw an opportunity for myself in this offer.
I met him at a cafe with few friends. In the very first ten minutes of that meeting, it was very clear to me that he was in desperate need of money. The boy was definitely talented and was confident about his product, but his desperation covered up everything that made me leave the offer alone but I still needed to know the reasons of his desperation.
I kept prodding, one lemonade later. He opened up. He wanted to sell his product and use the money to buy cryptocurrency and then earn much more to impress his girlfriend. He also felt the dire need to return the money that he had taken from his father. Although I didn’t buy the product I tried my best to convince him to find another way to cover up his expense. I don’t think he will listen to my advice but he represents a lot of such inventors and entrepreneurs who get themselves in situations where they let go of their work for money. To all such people, I have this request to not get bogged down. Try tirelessly, love your work more. Money can always be earned. Respect your time more. things will fall into place, Teenage days are complicated, emotions take you everywhere but only you are worth putting yourself on the line for.
Soon after that meeting, I joined an organisation that helps create eco-system for start-ups. There was no dilemma in my mind that I will help many more such boys in future. I hope I don’t have to.

SUGGESTIONS

I think you should do this,
I don’t understand why aren’t you doing that.
why did you not experiment with x?
why didn’t you try y?
why, why, why??

Sitting in the middle of a large hall,
I listen to questions that are pointed towards me.
questions that are forged into sentences that look like suggestions.
Suggestions that come late.
suggestions that seem made only to make me question my fate.

There is an endless string of suggestions.
a few from him, a few from her.
Suggestions on how I should prosper.
suggestions on how I should solve,
suggestions on how I should evolve.

I pay no heed to any of them,
I just don’t listen
every new suggestion makes me bitter.
I close myself away from these suggestions, shake my legs in an anxious jitter.

I remain silent on the outside but inside me I am shouting,
asking everyone who sends me a suggestion.
why suggestion? why not interaction?
why not a discussion? why have you not ever asked me about my plan
or my proposition?
You keep telling me things based on your understanding of me.
in all probability, you have no understanding of me.
where were you
with your suggestions, when I had no clue,
of what to do?
where were you, where was your “experienced” view.

suggestions usually come from those who expect more.
suggestions come from people who want to earn my respect more,
Suggestions come from those who sit on the sidelines, too scared to enter the door.
suggestions that do my mind no good just create congestion.

You try writing the climax of a book that you haven’t read.
you try putting me down, without trying to be in my shoes
without trying to look at whats happening, whats going on in my head.
you don’t have any appreciation, you don’t teach me ways to win a negotiation.
you don’t come and stand between me and my apprehensions.
you aren’t making me feel protected, your suggestions just seek more clarifications.

So no, I don’t need any suggestions,
If u can give me, give me what I am looking for in desperation.
maybe a way I just don’t see,
maybe a ticket to the train that takes me to where I want to be.
maybe a little pat on the back for finding a problem with a difficult solution.

I know you can’t, I pity you
all you can give me are suggestions
because that’s what others gave you.

To those who don’t care about politics.

We are a huge country. Average agewise we are a young country too. Being a young country is a matter of pride and an opportunity to grow and develop So many young people and their vibrant thoughts should take the country ahead at a rapid pace. we are going ahead at a good pace.
There is one point of development that I believe everyone has turned a blind eye towards in the name of being progressive. Politics and its importance in the development of a democratic nation. The young of our country feel its cool to” say I am not into politics and all bro.”  I, however, remember having or hearing countless political debates with or from my friends right through school and university. It’s true that not everyone needs to have a sound knowledge of polity and even if some of us want to follow more and know more about it, the sheer disappointment that their actions can cause will discourage our efforts towards knowing them more. It is like a lot of hard work and patience, but all those who aren’t ready to put in this hard work let go of there rights to question the functioning of the government and the opposition. Them being unaware is a curse for the population and a boost for politicians who do not understand their responsibilities.

It’s also quite a possibility that since all of us do not show keen interest in knowing ideologies and studying them or atleast having educated opinions about the happenings in the political corridors, a part of the young society that hails from politically empowered and ideologically embedded feels they are the only ones thinkingfor the betterment of this country. on the contrary, I have a strong belief that ambition fuelled choices of political ideology and pressurised, brainwashed chain of opinins that follow are doing more harm than good to the nation and its upcoming crop of citizens.

It should stop, the current scenario, has to change the plague has to be plugged. You can’t say u don’t care. If you say so you give away your powers to those who have half or slight knowledge of whats going on and whats happening. Let’s not live all our lives in hashtags and trying to be Insta-famous. Let’s try being solid. Let’s have a voice. Make forums, take signature campaigns, make people aware of what they aren’t. Take one Sunday out in a month, question an officer, question anyone you aren’t satisfied with (make sure all you do is democratic). Make sure that some smoke blowing junkie doesn’t talk trash about your country in front of you and still gets appreciated by the crowd around because you are unaware.

 

Flow, Never stop

I am in my mid-twenties now and I can proudly say that I have seen quite a bit of life now. Life hasn’t been too difficult or too blessed, just the general mix of good and bad times. Sometimes I got more than I expected and on some days I was disappointed beyond measures. sometimes the plans worked even better than my thoughts and sometimes they went awry and I was left wondering why. the one thing however that I always kept doing was moving forward.

I found this one in my drafts, seems so complete I am posting it.

Virtues I want to have

It’s been a while I wrote. I don’t know the reason. I got busier, as work grew. My writing times coincided with my work timings, things have been difficult on the work front. It may be any of the mentioned reasons for an amalgamation of all but thankfully I have had this constant guilt about skipping the blog.
Guilt is a major issue. It’s something that is born inside you and hides inside you and grows. Its born out of expectations, the ones that you have for yourself and the expectations others have for you. Not being able to fulfil expectations leads to guilt. It blanks your mind, clouds your vision weighs so heavy on you that you seek solitude to deal with it. Sometimes in the due process, you aggravate the situation you were supposed to manage and then onwards its a vicious circle of not performing and being guilty of it. I remember days when I experienced guilt for the decisions I made or for a little lapse in my speckless image at work. The months gone by have taught me not let guilt take a grip on your heart. Its natural to be disappointed but it’s not nice to let guilt take over. Guilt hollows you. weakens you. counter it with pride, look at everything amazing that you have done. Look at all the struggles you won. Don’t let guilt hamper your self-esteem. I am not saying you should become cocky when u fail. I am saying feel the loss, accept it, learn from it but never be guilty.

Patience isn’t uncool. I always thought to be impatient and gunning for whatever you want is the thing that makes you grow fast. Few instances will prove this right but a lot of them will not. Patience is for everything, you have to be patient with your team you have to be patient with yourself and you have to be patient with situations. When you show patience it builds trust in people patience raises your credibility. It makes you look long-term.

Situations will teach you to be better and the days you spend honing the skills that you feel are missing in you will make sure you get days that you dreamt for.
more coming up soon.

Defeated

I don’t give up. That’s an inked deal between my brain and my heart. Those who know me or have been reading my blogs will know that I have a Breakfast serving company called “The Breakfeast”. Work has been taking a major chunk of my day recently, So much that I even justified not writing blog posts by hiding behind the apparent lack of time. An entrepreneur’s average workday can keep him in front of the computer or make him wander in little alleys of crowded markets. I meet a lot of young men every day, either for work or just for a chit-chat. Boys know me here in this town, quite a lot of them.

The days after Holi have been particularly busy. The markets had opened up again and I was desperate to shorten my To-do list. I went out to meet cook when I saw these boys  I know. Simple boys schooled but never going to college. street smart. He came to me and I could sense something was wrong. I asked him if he was fine and he said: “Bhaiya Kal Ek ladki ka rape Kar Diya Kuch ladkon ne” ( bhaiya , a girl was raped yesterday by a few boys). He said he tried saving her along with a few friends but the rapists were a large gang around 8-9 boys. I am shocked now. This boy is telling me about a crime and he seems disappointed in himself for not being able to help.
I probe him, ask him questions, he says the girl was a Christian girl who was probably making out with her boyfriend when local boys who were smoking nearby found her. They thrashed the boy and then took turns raping the girl. I ask him, Do u know these boys? he says no I don’t but I know where they live. I just can’t believe my ears. It’s like another Damini in the very city I live in, I ask him if the girl filed an FIR. They say she won’t. I am angry by now. “why won’t she”, I demanded an answer. He said
FEAR, SHAME, SHOCK, CORRUPT SYSTEM AND IT’S LOOPHOLES, COMMUNITY AND IT’S TAUNTS.
Another friend of mine who is a journalism student and also my co-founder gets involved and asks the boy to make him meet the thrashed boy. By now the world has started moving a bit for me. I feel dizzy. I feel as if someone has sprayed my face with soot. In my head, I imagine the described scene. In my head, I watch the rape 1,2,3,4….7,8.
I See a young girl, crying and wailing, suddenly she turns towards me and I see she looks just like my little sister. I go blank. I tremble.
I stand there helpless. I stand there defeated.

(THIS IS A TRUE STORY AND AM TRYING TO HELP THE GIRL, PLEASE REACH OUT IF U CAN HELP)

I don’t get it.

I read a lot and listen to others and search for information and make sure am not living under a rock but honestly, I don’t get this world. We send the cheapest mission to Mars, Kudos, but why have school kids started killing other kids. I tried but I didn’t get it. A young, pretty lady did something that gave her 7 Lakh followers but on the other side in a remote village in Jharkhand, two women were made to consume human excreta because they were charged with being WITCHES. What is it like to you? shocking? Shameful? Yes? Why didn’t you discuss it on Facebook? why didn’t I see any outrage?
I will tell you why, because it’s uncool. We as a generation have grown up too far away from those villages we only appreciate with DSLR cameras. Places that we won’t get into because it’s messed up, because its not worth our time. I don’t get it, I really don’t because while we were celebrating India scoring a win over South Africa in South Africa after 25 years, our women were being subjected to tortures that haven’t been done away with in the past 25 years.
We are all dead people, zombies. We cry when others do, we shout when others do, we fight when others do. I don’t get it, why we cant have souls that can fight for what they feel is right? I don’t know why parents are proud of their son’s and daughters making a living working for a multi-national but won’t appreciate rather will be disappointed if their kids get into raising awareness against superstitions in villages. I don’t know why people and the system haven’t thought of developing a society that fights injustice itself rather than waiting for a system that comprises of people from the same system a little more powerful and a lot more corrupt inside. I don’t get it.

What is this education about, Most of us spend at least 20 years of our lives getting educated but I look at myself in the mirror and ask what difference am I making to the state of things and how my education is helping me, once again I don’t get it, I just don”t get it.

In the game (short read)

I chose this game. I trained for it. I gave in, rose up again, never stopped playing though. I waited for a level up. Waited with my fists clinched perspiring in the December cold.
Some days brought my “A” game, other days I struggled to be the best me. I was told what a fool I am, heard it, took a closer look at myself, mended my chinks and got going again.

when they told me I had chosen the wrong game, when they told me it’s difficult when they told me I wasn’t meant for it and when they told me I will never make it big I could have stopped but I had those feeble voices in my mind of the few people who loved me for being what I am and as I kept going their voices kept getting louder and louder unless they drowned out all the noise I was left alone, in my zone.
A few tournaments later I got what I wanted. Blessings, honed skills and the abundance of optimism handed me my ticket to the big game and here I am now sitting, smiling, locked and loaded ready to roll, here I am in the game.